Chapter 10
10
Did I request Josh Wesley to assist in my surgery? Yes, I did. Why? Well, that’s a bit more complicated. I told myself it’s what a new attending should do. That I need to evaluate the surgical expertise of my residents. I tacked on that I was playing the role of big brother interrogator in honor of Micha since Josh is Skylar’s ex, who doesn’t seem to be entirely out of the picture.
But here I am, barely an incision deep, and I want to strangle the guy across my table holding the retractor. It’s not even necessarily because of Skylar. The guy is a douche.
“Wow. Those are a lot of broken ribs,” Josh notes like the rocket scientist he is. “What kind of parents allow their child to climb a tree in winter? They should be brought up on charges p>
“The kid was having a sleepover, and they snuck out of their house, and one friend dared the other to climb to the highest branch,” I tell him. “Kids do stupid shit, especially when they’re with friends and especially when they’re dared p>
“It’s still criminal p>
“Clearly you’re not a parent or were ever a child who did stupid shit,” I deadpan. “And maybe a little less judgment and a little more retraction p>
“I never did stupid shit like this kid did. Why are we even in here? The overnight trauma team didn’t feel the kid was surgical p>
Yeah. I want to strangle him.
“I disagree with their assessment p>
Thankfully, he does as I ask, even as he calls my judgment into question.
“Ah. There it is. See that?” I use my probe to point to the cracked rib stabbing straight into his diaphragm, causing it to bleed into the pleural space. “That’s why we’re doing surgery. Because a first-run CT doesn’t always show small leaks, and sometimes you have to follow your instincts. That’s what trauma is. Instinct and guts. If we had done nothing, it would have only been a matter of time before the loss of blood caught up to him and he went into shock. Or developed a wicked pneumonia because his lungs were filled with blood and fluid p>
Dr. Wesley isn’t amused that I just proved him wrong when he was blatantly trying to be a disrespectful prick to me. It’s not something I’ll forget. I get to work on the diaphragm and cracked ribs surrounding it while not allowing him to assist. Fucker can watch and mope about it.
“So, you’re Micha’s best friend, huh?” he muses as if he’s simply making polite conversation to fill the silence. The fact that he’s using Micha’s name and not saying Skylar’s brother’s best friend tells me he wants me to know he’s familiar with Skylar. He knows her, and he knows her family situation.
“Since birth,” I reply evenly without removing my eyes from the field.
“Then you must know Skylar pretty well p>
There has already been gossip going around about me and Skylar. It’s amazing what you can hear in a hospital when you simply stand still and listen. Skylar was right that someone did deem her off-limits, but it wasn’t me. I’m guessing, since he’s bringing her up now, it was the asshole on the other side of the table from me, and that message was for me and no one else.
There’s also some buzz that she and I are a thing after I requested her to show me around the floor yesterday. I’m not one for gossip, and I typically don’t give a shit what people say about me. But I’m guessing Skylar cares.
Actually, I know she does.
Still, that doesn’t stop the part of me that wants to drive the proverbial scalpel into him just a bit.
“Yes.” That’s all I say because I know it’ll rile him up like nothing else, and it’s vague enough that there’s not much others can read into it.
“How well can that be, though? You’ve been living in LA, and she’s a lot younger than you p>
I peer up at him and cock an eyebrow. “Something you’re intimating at, Dr. Wesley? Cauterize that bleeder, please?” I ask the scrub nurse on my left.
“You seemed a bit territorial over her yesterday morning when you had her show you around the floor p>
I’ve never been in an OR and had another surgeon directly ask me about a coworker. Especially not in this way. I feel like I’m in one of the medical soap operas or something.
“I don’t know about that,” I reply, keeping my tone even. “I was on a time crunch, and as you said, Skylar is my best friend’s little sister p>
“I just didn’t know if she had told you or if you were already aware that Skylar and I were together for over a year and a half p>
There are a few things that I picked up on in that.
One, a year and a fucking half? No. I didn’t know that. Because I kissed Skylar two years ago, and maybe it was my single dad status or the fact that I was recently divorced at the time or that I was finishing up my fellowship, but I haven’t dated anyone.
Two, he used the past tense when speaking about their relationship, which means the chocolates likely weren’t from him, and she wasn’t out with him last night before she came home looking too pretty for words. So that’s something right there. They’re not reconciling. Or at least she’s not actively getting back together with him. Something I shouldn’t care about or feel relief from, but I’m not going to analyze that right now when I’m busy analyzing him.
Three, and this is likely the most important, he’s still very interested in Skylar and wants me to know it. Wants me to know she’s his and therefore can’t be mine.
“She didn’t mention you to me, but we don’t exactly spend a lot of time talking about our exes p>
That was stupid. I know that was stupid. But fuck him. And it was still vague enough that no one could say much.
He makes a tantrum-style noise I’m positive he’s regretting now. It shows his hand way too much.
“Lived together for a year and everything p>
So, he’s the dick she broke up with before she moved into Micha’s. It makes sense. It also makes me want to interrogate him and break his bones for hurting her, however he did. Because if he weren’t a dick, I wouldn’t be forced to live with her, and she wouldn’t enter into my thoughts because that wouldn’t be an option. Not that it is now.
But I can’t help but wonder what broke them up. Or if she loved him. If he broke her heart or if she felt relief when it ended. And how, legit how, after a year and a half together, was he unable to make her come? What’s up with Skylar’s lack of orgasms? Is it physical, mental, or shitty partners?
Whatever the reason, whatever all of this is or even isn’t, I want to watch him squirm. Just enough so he feels it. So he knows she’s no longer his. Even if she’ll never be mine.
“That must be difficult for you, considering she’s moved on p>
“What?” flees his lips, and I realize I’m completely talking out of my ass now. I have no clue who sent her the chocolates or where she was after work yesterday, when I know she got off at three and didn’t come home until after six. I’ve simply assumed she was with this guy, but now that I know she wasn’t, I don’t mind torturing him a bit.
He couldn’t even get her off. Which for some inexplicable reason makes me smile behind my mask.
“Someone sent her a massive box of dark chocolates—her favorite—for Valentine’s Day.” I tilt my head, the light coming from beneath my surgical glasses illuminating just how much blood has pooled in this kid’s lungs and how badly these ribs are fractured. “Let’s drain all this blood and get his lungs cleaned up. Then I want to place a patch here and redirect the ribs so they’ll heal faster and better. And I want to freeze the nerves. Poor kid’s been in a lot of pain p>
“I’ll ready the cryo,” the circulating nurse tells me.
“Let’s hang a unit of type specific,” the anesthesiologist says. “That’s a lot of blood you’re suctioning out of his lungs p>
“That’d be great. How are his vitals?” I ask.
“Holding steady, but his BP is dipping a little. The blood will bring it back up p>
“Perfect p>
“She’s not with anyone,” Josh picks up without caring about what we’re doing in the surgery. “I’d know p>
I peek up at him before I glance around the room, noting all the eyes on us, all the curious, gossip-loving eyes. It’s insanely unprofessional.
I shrug indifferently. “If you say so.” Now that the blood is drained from the lungs, I get to work on repairing the diaphragm before we can place the patch and freeze the nerves surrounding his broken ribs. “Perhaps you should focus more on the patient and less on nurses you’re no longer dating. Especially while in my OR, Dr. Wesley p>
He doesn’t seem to care about the gossip-loving nurses and techs in the room. He’s steaming, visibly fuming, which is no easy feat considering we’re masked and goggled up. Whether it’s because I told him Skylar is dating someone else or because I called him out on it, it doesn’t matter. I don’t like him. I don’t want him seeking Skylar out or talking to her, or even so much as looking at her. Maybe it’s better if she continues to live with me.
Then again, I haven’t told anyone she is. And as far as I know, she hasn’t either.
It’s a secret, and I’m not sure why, when it’s innocent. A simple misunderstanding.
Smartly, Dr. Wesley keeps his mouth shut for the rest of the surgery while I save this little boy’s life.
“I’ll scrub out and speak to the parents,” he announces and goes to leave the OR without waiting for my response.
“You can do that,” I call out to him before he reaches the OR doors. “Because we all know you’ve been completely useless in this surgery. How you got into this program is a mystery to me. But if you ever behave this way in my OR again, caring more about a previous relationship instead of your patient, I will write you up. As it is, this was not the best first impression to make with me, Doctor. I expect better next time. Is that understood p>
He turns back to me, his eyes narrowed slightly, but otherwise he’s cool and composed. “Understood p>
The door opens and swings shut behind him, and I step back to allow the tech and nurses to finish up and get the patient ready to move to the PACU.
“Is it always like this here in the OR?” I ask. “What’s with all the drama p>
“He started chasing Skylar the moment he set foot in this hospital as an intern and saw her,” Marion, one of the nurses, informs me.
“Skylar thought it was a Fritz thing at first,” Erica, the circulating nurse, states. “Owen, Stone, Luca, and Kaplan Fritz all checked in on her when she started here three years ago, and word spread fast about her family. Plus, everyone knows her mother is Rina Fritz Davenport. There’s no hiding it if you’re a Fritz in this city, as I’m sure you know as a Hughes p>
“So, he was money- and fame-seeking p>
They all share bewildered looks. “That’s what Skylar thought,” Erica continues. “She didn’t believe his intentions were honorable, and she pushed him off for more than half a year, but he wore her down. They started dating and got serious quickly. They were adorable as a couple. Always together and smiling. Then six weeks ago, out of nowhere, Skylar reportedly broke up with him and moved out p>
I blink, a little taken aback by that.
“No one knows why or what happened, and neither of them talked about it,” Marion explains. “This was the first time he’s mentioned it, though we all know he puts notes in her locker and makes it so his patients are her patients p>
Interesting. And he brought her up to me, so either he’s threatened by me or thinks I have insider information that I was willing to share.
“Clearly he’s not over her,” Marion says with a light giggle in her voice.
“Or he’s still after the money and fame,” Erica states. “I mean, no offense to Skylar. I think she’s amazing, but they don’t quite… match up, if you know what I mean p>
My jaw clenches. “No. I don’t know what you mean p>
She instantly backtracks at my harsh tone. “Nothing. Just that, I don’t know. Never mind. That came out wrong p>
Yeah. I bet it fucking did. How does anyone look at Skylar and not see what I see? I don’t get it. But women are different, I guess. Josh clearly sees more. Or he saw a broken-down woman who would build up his ego and worship him.
“All I’m saying is that it doesn’t seem like he’s ready to give up,” she finishes.
No. It doesn’t seem like he is, and they’re feeding on it. Drama makes the hospital go round.
But if I didn’t like him before, I like him even less now. And I sure as hell don’t want him anywhere near Skylar.
I leave the OR to speak to the parents despite Josh doing it and observe from slightly across the MSICU as Skylar tends to him and his parents. Pediatrics isn’t just about the child you’re treating. It’s about the parents, too, and Skylar seems to get that. She’s in the room as much as she’s out of it, laughing and chatting and answering questions.
So, here’s my dilemma. My moral quandary, I guess you could say.
I’m severely attracted to my best friend’s little sister.
She’s everything I was never interested in until I kissed her, and now she’s everything I don’t know how to escape.
I want to see her in a towel. In an oversized T-shirt. In only my hands. In nothing at all. I want to hear her chatting with my daughter like they’re besties, and I want to open bathroom doors that should be locked and find her soaking wet and biting my head off. I want her fiery and angry and tender and sweet. I want her as the nurse for all of my patients, and I want her nowhere near any of Josh’s or even him.
But I can’t have her like that. Not like any of that.
So, what do I do? I’m honestly not sure. I’ve known loneliness for so long it’s become the only color I wear. I’m tired of it. This is my fresh start, and the woman who I can’t evict from my thoughts is the one I need to evict from my life.